One of the many “weeds” in the untended patch of land across from where I reside. photo by anne richardardson
Hello Dear Ones,
Spring in the Pacific NW is rolling out the green carpet in anticipation of Summer. Fields. Meadows. Weedy roadside patches. Ball parks. Trees in full leaf. Every green named on the color palette is displayed and then some. A robust aliveness as I walk the neighborhood with Joey the Pug.
Landscapes of Aliveness
As I mentioned in my last post, Spring seemed to arrive early this year; our Winter was mild. Camellia were in full bloom in February. Then in quick succession it was Magnolia, Cherry, Dogwood, Lilac, Rhododendron and now Hydrangea are coming on strong. Old fashioned Roses are fragrancing the air. It is easy to forget that Spring’s grandeur would not be possible without Decay and Death (yes, I went there). Each daily shift in landscape is a reflection of a blossom or leaf falling back into soil to make way for future harvest. For growth. Sure, some seasons it is more pronounced, but the cycle of Birth, Death, Rebirth is continual.
A rose I’ve been smitten with on my walks. Lovely fragrance. Reminds me of my mother’s roses—sweet memory. photo by anne richardson
Honoring Our Grief in Any Season
For some it may be difficult to share losses this time of year—those fresh and ones cycling through our embodied memories or popping up on social media. A common perception is Springtime is all about aliveness and abundance. Shiny and fresh. “Everyone” is planning for Summer events. In a society where the focus tends toward moving forward, “staying positive,” and productive, someone who is grieving may think they are dampening others good vibes if they share sadness, regrets, angst, wistfulness, melancholy, and other feelings or responses associated with loss. So allowing room to grieve losses is set aside for later.
But when does “later” become “current?” How does one grieve when others around “seem” to be inhabiting a different world? And what happens when you remove the mask of “I’m doing fine” and it is not met with kindness or gentleness (maybe not intentionally-but due to lack understanding)? I want to affirm that it is so very hard to honor one’s grief while also engaging in daily life with that darn mask on. AND, it can be both/and. You may be authentically in a great place with folks one hour and settled into your Grief the next. Remember, no one way to be on a Grief Journey.
Living in a Death Phobic Society
I read books, articles, opinion pieces and listen to a LOT of podcasts about the history and current approaches to loss, grieving and Death in our Western culture. In a nutshell: we have become a Grief and Death phobic society. Where once being with those who were dying was part of daily life, we have separated ourselves from the sacred act of caring for those at the end of life. Or, if we can’t be physically with someone who is dying/has died, to care for their body (if possible) and to come together in community to ritually grieve.
Okay, this is in an ideal world. There are situations that will complicate this— family dynamics, accidental or violent deaths, diasporic separations, etc. But the central question I want to ask is: how can we become comfortable with Death again? Not free of feelings or responses that include anger, sadness, shock, confusion, helplessness, even joy and gratitude, but comfortable that Death itself is part of living.
Life Is About Loss
Losses in our lives are myriad. Each loss we encounter on our journey is a kind of Death. For example: job losses, life altering illnesses, changes in family living situations, addiction, aging, really any kind of change—even those we might frame as “positive.” Each prepares us for our final letting go…and how we will respond to how those in our lives who die or leave in some capacity before us.
For myself, life continues to teach me to be open-hearted. To allow lots of feelings to arise as I encounter my own losses. To be curious. To explore responses and feelings with those I come alongside with an even broader and more curious lens (and never with an answer, though sometimes offering resources.)
These two Crows are regular visitors to my deck. An honor as I love Crows. Some believe that Crows escort souls to the afterlife. photo by anne richardson
Need For Grief Literacy
And Grief, my Mentor, has been poking me lately. Really overturning my “definitions” of Grief. Yes, labels like “anticipatory Grief,” “disenfranchised Grief,” “eco Grief,” and new ones are still helpful—give voice to what may have been unnamed. And that our society is slowly moving toward Grief Literacy is welcomed. (I recommend this TEDx “Why we need Grief Literacy,” which ties in with what I wrote above about how folks may not be able to be with you in your Grief.) New resources to help folks know they aren’t alone in their loss (I found this article, No One Understood Her Grief, So She Took It Online, about TikTok Grief influencers interesting…a new way of building community.) So a both/and/more approach to expanding our way of being with losses and grieving. Individual. Communal. Feral even (Grief made me write that last one-ha!)
Grief as Shapeshifter
But, poke poke poke, Grief through the words of Báyò Akómoláfé (he writes about Grief being “nomadic” in a new book of his ponderings, Selah, a Báyò Akómoláfé Reader,) and others has got me ruminating (surprise.) Grief escaping definition. Grief roaming through Deserts and diving down into Oceans and scampering in the canopy of Rain Forests. Grief as an unconfined archetype for our changing times. It isn’t something I can share with clarity (feral?), so will leave it at that until I can sit and listen to what Grief is teaching me a while longer.
Nourishing Our Grief Journeys
Wherever you are on your journey with the losses in your life, my hope is you are taking tender care of your heart and your body. That you have those in your life that can nourish you through difficult seasons and you can offer that to others. And may you find community to connect with. I’m not one who buys in on the “rugged individual” mindset. We all need a community of caring support…which includes Trees, Birds, Rivers, Mushrooms, and all the Beings we co-inhabit this Earth with. Yes, we are all entwined on this planet and beyond. May we grieve together and nourish each other with kindness.
For Your Reflection
if you have a loss you are grieving this season, fresh or resurfacing, look around. out in that teeming green world, where do you notice loss? (if you live somewhere less green (desert perhaps) shift the natural colors of abundance for your landscape.) how is nature embracing the natural flow of loss? how might your loss, your Grief be woven in?
are you familiar with the term Grief Literacy? what are your beliefs about how one “should deal” with losses? where did they come from? what feelings arise when you consider exploring long held beliefs about grieving that may challenge those of your family/friends? perhaps the first “action” is to be curious.
when you encounter Grief and Loss in others how do you respond? how might you become more “Grief Literate” in support of others? (i’m always growing in my Grief Literacy.)
what is your experience with being around Death? the invitation is to write/draw/collage/create what is meaningful to you about an experience for 5-7 minutes and reflect on a feeling or response that is stirring. remember to simply be curious.
i floated some rather unusual thoughts on Grief. any thoughts on what Grief may be offering to you? or on my thoughts?
usual question: are you treating yourself with kindness and gentleness these days? how does that look? if not, how might you make the shift to being kinder and gentler with yourself? how can you be kinder and gentler toward others?
Recommendations/Resources
As I’ve worked in hospice, as a spiritual director/companion, and been part of writing communities, I’ve had the opportunity to meet many wise women. A myriad of them offer education, resources, workshops, ritual support, and more. They infuse their communities with knowledge, integrity, gentleness, kindness, passion and, of course, wisdom. They bring intuition, formal education, life experience, ancestral knowledge, and more to their offerings.
Here are nine women I know. Some have been friends for years. I trust them, which is why I am recommending their offerings to you:
Dr. Terri Daniel is a chaplain connection from years ago. I went to her workshops incorporating meaningful rituals for grieving not long after my mother died in 2018. Terri is multi-facited and you will need to check out her website to see all her experiences, education, and array of offerings. What I want to pass along in this moment is this: July 25th Terri, along with other stellar presenters, will be hosting The 2026 Symposium on Death and Bereavement Studies with the focus on: Spiritual Bypassing: Counseling and Support Perspectives. A fascinating topic! Terri is graciously offering readers of this newsletter 25% off if you use the Promo code FLEX25. Thank you Terri.
I know I’ve sung Holly Pruett’s praises before. She has been a leader in the Death and Grief Literacy movement in the Pacific NW for years. Her tag line says is all: Grief. Joy. Wonder. Holly is a celebrant, guide, and creative partner. She will be offering her Befriending Mortality series in the fall in person or online. Check out her website to discover more about Holly.
Sharon Ann Rose is someone with a fire in her belly. Deeply intuitive. For women going through peri-menopause , menopause and coming out the other side, Sharon Ann will walk through the fire with you, dive deep in the waters, stumble along the dusty path, and breathe in the fog laden air. As her website says: serving the body of the feminine through ceremony, counsel & mentorship. Yes to that.
Ceremony and ritual is (I would say) an essential part of Grieving and honoring any of life’s transitions in general. Heather Michet of Purple Crow Sings, is a gifted creator of ceremonies for any occasion. My family personally experienced Heather’s gifts when she came alongside us in creating my mother’s tender remembrance service. Her tag line speaks to her generous nature: Connecting people, hearts and planet with ceremony & song.
Years ago when i was rediscovering my voice through writing with Portland Women Writers (now Words for Healing—recommend,) I met Lisa Kagen, an artist and tender|fierce writer. She has woven her writing and art into several areas for folks to connect (check out Touchstone Retreats.) This is what I am most excited about though: Lisa has received additional training to be a celebrant and to offer rituals and ceremonies around “life passages.” I am imagining gentle and tender gatherings for one to many created by Lisa as your guide. Please check out her offerings at Full Circle Ceremonies.
Working in hospice for years accentuated the importance of having my will and advanced directive up to date. I tell folks having these two important documents is the kindest thing you can do for your loved ones. However, I look around my abode and see old files and photos and too much stuff. Or open an app and need for authentication/password, I become more and more aware how interconnected my daily business is to everything my “hands” touch. If I were to die tomorrow, my kiddos would have a lot to sort through. This is where my friend Monica Welty and her new business comes in. Sunset Planning Services “is your steady partner in end-of-life planning, legacy building, and executor support, helping you get organized with clarity, compassion, and a little more ease so you can live more fully now and leave less to untangle later.” I have been slowly going through files and tossing out/shredding old papers, but I’m starting to dream about having Monica coming over to help me as there are days it just feels so overwhelming…and my “estate” is in a rented condo!
Another wise woman, Marialica Gonzales, who has been a traditional midwife, hospice nurse, and more…so much more, has begun her own business as a Grief Coach/Educator doing embodied Grief work. She is offering online a Grief Literacy course for parents, teachers and caregivers. Marialica is one of the most passionate women I know. She also has offerings in Spanish.
I met Jen Violi in a writing workshop and the way she wove words through her body knowing…I was captivated. And then we became friends. Lucky me!!! She facilitates an Elemental Writing series, offers 1:1 work, writes a great newsletter…I mean Love Letter . (Sign up for it. You won’t be disappointed.) Even if you have never put pen to paper (fingers to a keyboard?) thinking perhaps you had nothing important to say…Jen’s workshops are a place to meet yourself in new ways.
Finally, Dr. Jessica Thomas. We became friends while on the board of the NW Association for Death Education and Bereavement Support (which has closed down.) Where do I start with what Jessica offers? How about this quote from her website “Dr. Jessica’s philosophy is rooted in 'death positivity.' An approach that views grief and death not as experiences that overshadow life, but as integral parts of the human journey. Dr. Jessica believes in empowering individuals, not just to endure these experiences but to thrive and transform through them. Resulting in people being active participants in their journey of healing and personal growth.” She offers individual and community support and professional development, plus more. And take a peek at her “Within and Without™ Mindful Photography therapeutic method” to see a new creative way to engage with Grief.
I know this list could be longer, but will leave it at nine since that is my fav number. I hope your curiosity will have you clicking on links. Even if what these amazing women offer isn’t what you need today, perhaps mark the page for someone you know or for future reference.
Spiritual Direction/Companionship
As I continue to wind down other areas of my practice, Spiritual Companionship remains my heart. I offer the gift of coming alongside and providing deep listening. This allows one to hear their own wisdom. Their own stories. To connect with their Source as they define and have experienced Mystery in their lives. To hold space to reflect on beliefs with curiosity without judgment. To be in the midst of their Grief & Loss and have someone simply be with them, taking time, all the time needed/desired to allow the journey to unfold. To celebrate joys. And more.
I meet with folks from diverse beliefs and spiritual backgrounds and practices. Different ages and genders. All are welcome. Yes, my writing reflects my unfolding curiosities and path. So yes, I am on my own journey, but I have a director that I sort through my “stuff” with, so I won’t be trying to nudge you over to my ways of thinking.
To find out more about my philosophy, background, training and “tools” that we can use in a session, check out my website. I follow the ethics of Spiritual Directors International., where I am a member.
I have space available. I meet with folks in-person or via Zoom. Please reach out if you have questions about how a session might unfold.
I always appreciate referrals!
Final Thoughts
In early May I was invited to hike Dog Mountain, a popular and difficult hike on the Washington State side of the Columbia Gorge. It was peak Wildflower season and I (and just about everyone else on the trail) was filled with awe. My beauty meter was off the charts.
Eight years ago I started “hill” walking to prepare for what was a life altering journey to the United Kingdom. Sojourning with Grief (documented in my 2019 blogs), included a walk across England called the Coast-to-Coast. Hiking Dog Mountain became a goal as part of my prep, but I never got around to it. Now at age 66 I finally did it, creaking knees and all.
I am a slow and steady uphill walker and since I felt no need to set any records, was content to trudge along to the top. The four of us actually made good time and took breaks to enjoy the expansive views of the Columbia Gorge and River. But oh, coming back down the steep incline with loose gravel and sharp jutting rocks…a snail would have been quicker. Younger folks pranced by me like mountain goats. Did I ever move with such agility? Likely. But not anymore.
Dog Mountain with wildflowers in peak bloom. May 2026. photo by anne richardson
Appreciating Aging
When I talk about loss, I include my own aging body. There is so much I can still do and am very appreciative of how my physical body carries me through the day. And I also accept the after 66 years there is some wear and tear. That’s okay. And its okay to grieve not being as agile as I once was. All part and parcel of getting older.
What I am so very grateful for is being able to walk Joey twice daily this past year. Yes, on Summer Solstice it will be Joey’s “Gotcha Day.” When I first got him I said he was Joey the Joy Pug. Now I call him Mr. Sassy Pants, because, well, he is sassy. And he still brings me a lot of joy. He did NOT hike dog mountain.
Life Rhythms
I live a still life meaning it has a daily/weekly rhythm and is quiet. There’s Joey’s schedule. My daily poem writing practice for this year ‘s Stafford Challenge. Volunteering at the Hillsdale Farmer’s Market and Dougy Center Pathways Program. Working out. Meeting with friends. Between the “doing” is the quiet (that all sounds so busy, but I have a lot of room for stillness.).
I’m at peace with letting go of much of what Nurture Your Journey (NYJ) has been without having a clear “knowing” of next. (And note, if we have worked together in the past, please reach out if you want a “repeat” of a past offering. I still have my labyrinth, presentation notes, etc. We can chat.)
Even this newsletter is going to shift from quarterly to occasional. I’ve enjoyed writing these blogs over the last decade and feel they have even contributed in a small way to the Grief Literacy movement. And they were a way to promote NYJ. With my focus on one-on-one Grief and Spiritual support, there is less need for promotion. And there are many more Grief Literacy resources in the world now.
So as Summer approaches (Winter for my Southern Hemisphere friends), as always, please continue to take tender and gentle care of your hearts. Reach out if you have any questions or comments.
with deepest gratitude,
anne
ps (there’s always a ps!) my poem “holy ground” was published by Tiny Seed Literary Journal May 17th. Click the link to read.
here is the first stanza:
this sidewalk is
holy ground
where he
places his shoes
just
beyond reach of his
bent grasp
each night under the thick
thighs of I-405
laying on
mattress of cardboard
bedding of coat-blanket-hat
face masked in dim light
Joey enjoying the greens of Spring. photo by anne richardson
