A rather rugged “question box” spotted on a neighborhood walk. I suspect if I slip a question in there an answer won't be forthcoming, but then I’ve discovered that is usually not what I'm looking for. photo by anne richardson
Hello Dear Ones,
Autumn arrived in a timely manner in the Pacific NW, which is not to say the gnawing appetite of wildfires have been quenched and parched soil is sated. But these mornings request an extra layer of clothing as Sun allows himself a few extra winks before rising. Night lingers layering Earth with a breath that hints of colder days ahead. On the small smidge of Land I am calling home ten months after my initial move, I now feel a sense of welcome and belonging. Welcome and Belonging…something I always seem to be a on quest for. Glancing through old posts, it is a common theme, especially back in 2018-19 after my mother’s death that led to my “Sojourn with Grief.”
Nestled in the Southwest area of Portland, streets tangle up and down hills in imitations of kittens playing with a ball of yarn. Many have repetitive names. (I am not sure if this is due to a lack of imagination, other historical factors, or an attempt at a “grid system” if one was staring down from 10,000’.) For example, I don’t know who “Mitchell” was, but he must have had some pull as he not only has a “Street,” but “Court,” “Lane,” “Circle,” ”Drive,”…I can’t remember what else I’ve come across. He is there at every turn ready to stymie me.
Curiosity vs Routine
Dead ends for cars may or may not lead to trails or small parks and I often find out by trekking up a hill only to be met by “private, keep out” signage. My walks have been extended beyond my planned hour on more than one occasion as I allow curiosity to be my guide versus routine. It also has confirmed my poor sense of direction and my eventually having to pull out my phone and use Google Maps to get home.
And those repetitive names, well, they can be a bit confusing as I am SURE they will lead me somewhere familiar and familiar is so comforting. And yes, this can be seen as a metaphor for the life journey (insert wink here.) Oh, and if we go on a wilderness hike together, don’t trust my, uh, leadership.
Portion of Marquam Trail I wandered down, then had to wander back up to get home by a reasonable time the other day. photo by anne richardson
Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable
I am not one to give up on curiosity even when, especially when, it leads me into unfamiliar terrain. Curiosity is one of my spiritual practices (I wrote about it briefly in my last newsletter) though there are times I hunker down and forget to ask what poet-philosopher David Whyte calls “beautiful questions.” Those questions that allow for expansion of both my interior and exterior worlds. That allow me to release my ego and notice the interconnectedness of all Beings. Of what is beyond me. It is humbling. And it gives me permission to be uncomfortable with my uncomfortableness with not knowing. And I am in a season of that. Actually, looking back I’ve been in that season awhile now. Good thing I am not in a rush to “get to the next thing.”
Layers of Seasons and Cycles
Though some mourn the departure of summer, I have noted a shift in my body with the cooling temperatures and dark morning wakings that is relief. As we in the northern hemisphere drop into longer nights and shorter days I have come home to myself (I wrote about this in my Substack post, noticing what i’m noticing.) Coming “home” in this season has many layers. One is to allow myself time to reflect on my circling through a larger life season as I move further into my Crone years. How does my deep sense of call align with the autumn of my life?
Layers of the Harvest Season
The energy of the harvest season can be filled with an urgency to bring in the abundance of summer before the deeper cold arrives. Before the fruits of the laboring plants wither and die assuring they make it to market or risk being “wasted.” In a natural plant cycle some fruits need to return to the Earth. Allowing apples to rot and not be quick to scoop them up and put them in the compost actually benefits the ecology of the Land—a natural composting. There is wisdom in this as I reflect on how I wish to be of benefit in the ecology of the community and Land and Earth I am still living on. To spend time listening…to see if there is something that needs to be composted in my life, if I simply need to rest, and/or engage in some other manner during this season.
So I am meandering into this season with curiosity, a need to let go of outcomes, a knowing My Mentor Grief will be walking along with me (because loss will surely be part of this journey,) and grateful for the beauty of where I call home for now.
For Your Reflection
as the outdoor world goes through seasonal shifts, it can offer times of reflection in our own lives. perhaps you notice the scatter of leaves, shift in light, different selections of fruits and vegetables in the market and you might pause as memories are stirred. or you consider your own shifting world—perhaps a shift brought on by loss. what are you noticing this season? and how are you defining “season” as that may be multilayered and/or not align with Spring/Summer/Autumn/Winter?
how do you feel when faced with “unknowns?” if it makes you uneasy, perhaps start by describing or “personifying” Unknown by giving it a color, shape, personality. then have a chat, write a letter or poem to “Unknown” and see where it takes you. i’ve found befriending what makes me uncomfortable is one way to explore what is underneath the initial feeling.
what are you curious about these days? how do you broach curiosity? where has it led you in the past?
one of my usual questions: where is Grief in your body, heart, life today? what conversation are you having with Grief?
another usual question: are you treating yourself with kindness and gentleness these days? how does that look? if not, how might you make the shift to being kinder and gentler with yourself? how can you be kinder and gentler toward others?
Book Recommendations
grief is a sneaky bitch, An Uncensored Guide to Navigating Loss, 2024, by Lisa Keefauver, Grief Activist.
First a bit of the book blurb: “When social worker Lisa Keefauver became a widow in 2011, she was alarmed to discover that even though 100 percent of us experience loss, we’re living in a grief illiterate world. In her work as a therapist, and in her search for help in the wake of her own loss, Keefauver began to see how the misguided stories we consume about grief lead to unnecessary suffering.”
I recommend this book for a few reasons. First it combines personal narrative alongside professional experience. Lisa was widowed in her early 40’s and in navigating her Grief even as a therapist with years of experience, she realized the book she wanted was missing from the resources she needed to reference on her journey. Second, she wrote that reference book she wanted: short chapters based on current Grief therapeutics written in plain language that one can pop into. If you are grieving or coming alongside someone who is, you can pick a short section that looks appropriate and glean helpful information. Third, she references many of the sources I’ve read over the years, so it feels like bit like a “Cliff’s Notes” version of Grief information, but still offering the depth needed to navigate the waves of loss.
Lisa was a guest on my favorite Grief podcast, Coffee, Grief and Gratitude a few months ago, titled “Show Up, Shut Up, and Listen” so you can listen to how the book came about and hear a bit of her story..
Choosing Light, Transforming Grief through the Practice of Mindful Photography and Self-Reflection, 2024, by Jessica Thomas, LMFT, PhD. Here’s the blurb: “Mindful photography and self-reflection can be invaluable tools for grievers struggling to create meaning from loss. Learning to slow down, notice, create, and reflect inspires a sense of confidence, inner strength, gratitude, meaningful insight, and wisdom. Written for death and grief practitioners and educators as well as for those experiencing grief, Choosing Light teaches the Within and Without therapeutic method and how it can be transformative for individuals, groups, and communities. Guided steps and real-life exemplars guide readers through a healing journey to find authentic meaning and peace.”
Yes, I mentioned this in my last newsletter, but since then I have read the book and attended a couple of Jessica’s webinars introducing the concepts.
Jessica’s book is accessible for anyone on their Grief journey, not only “professionals.” Her directions for dropping into the “Within and Without” method are clear. If you have a phone camera available, you can engage in the process. It is more than that, of course. As someone who finds photography personally impactful in how I engage in the world, the value of using images to engage on another level with Grief and Loss made sense to me.
Jessica’s work is based on her research, but her writing is warm and inviting and the stories tender. You can follow Jessica at Reflective Therapy to find out when she is offering webinars, book events, or to find out more about her work.
Between Two Kingdoms, A Memoir of a Life Interrupted, 2021, by Suleika Jaouad. I waited a long time to receive this from the library (and found it so impactful, will buy a copy for my personal collection.) It was so worth the wait. I began following Suleika on Substack (The Isolation Journals) several months ago and was curious about her story but was not that familiar. Click on the first link to read the book recap, please.
Why I am bringing this book to you is it took me by the shoulders and shook me hard. Yes, it deepened my compassion, but it was more than that. The “between two kingdoms” reference…when someone is signed out of treatment (usually cancer) with a “cure” or “remission” they are rarely (perhaps never) given any support on how to reenter a world that has moved on while they were in treatment. They are between the “kingdom of the sick” and the “kingdom of the well.”
Undergoing invasive treatment alters one’s life in a myriad of ways. It alters one’s body that is impactful for the rest of their life. There are the emotional, spiritual and psychological impacts. Where does one go the share honestly about what it is like to no longer be considered “ill” but not feel “well,” especially in those first years when the body is still reeling from treatment? Often the rest of the one’s community has moved on and may want one to be “back to normal.” They may not understand the level of exhaustion. That one still needs to have regular medical check-ins. One’s sense of loss at losing a bonded community you had going through illness (infusion buddies, medical team, etc.)
Suleika was 22 and had just graduated from college when she was diagnosed with leukemia. Her writing reflects the impact of cancer on her life, her family, her new relationship, her friends. She shares how it feels to have friends moving forward with their lives while she undergoes treatment and all her mixed emotions around that. And once done with treatment, her exhaustion, frustration, and disorientation at not being able to reenter the kingdom of the well.
How she regained agency over her life was to take a 100-day journey around the USA by herself (that is the second half of the book.) One-hundred days because that was all her medical team would allow her to be gone between blood tests. But on her journey she connects with folks that had connected with her while she was in treatment. A story of gratitude.
If you know someone who has had (or is in the midst of) cancer treatment I can’t recommend this enough. I didn’t (and I worked as a chaplain and was exposed to a lot of “medical stuff”) understand the rigors of treatment and the after effects. I wish I had been better educated. Now I am and you can be too. A good book for exercising the empathy muscle.
Oh, and as an add on you can watch “American Symphony” on Netflix. Here’s the trailer.
Offerings
Spiritual Direction/Companionship:
Spiritual Companionship is the heart of my practice. I offer the gift of coming alongside and providing deep listening. This allows one to hear their own wisdom. Their own stories. To connect with their Source as they define and have experienced Mystery in their lives. To hold space to reflect on beliefs with curiosity without judgment. To be in the midst of their Grief & Loss and have someone simply be with them, taking time, all the time needed/desired to allow the journey to unfold. To celebrate joys. And more.
I meet with folks from diverse beliefs and spiritual backgrounds and practices. Different ages and genders. All are welcome.
To find out more about my philosophy, background, training and “tools” that we can use in a session, check out my website. I follow the ethics of Spiritual Directors International., where I am a member.
I have space available. I meet with folks in-person or via Zoom. Please reach out if you have questions about how a session might unfold.
I always appreciate referrals!
Grief and Labyrinth Facilitation Events/Workshops by Request
I have offered workshops and retreats in a variety of settings over the years. Collaborating in community to journey with Grief and Loss is one of my passions. My canvas labyrinth is often part of these gatherings. In my experience when folks engage with the labyrinth, a conversation about Grief opens up. I have two private events scheduled for the fall. Please reach out if you are interested in a gathering.
Odds & Ends
Way back in February I was one of the five readers for Coffee Talk, hosted by the Coffee and Grief Community. The recording of this Coffee Talk was on the Coffee Grief and Gratitude podcast in August. If you are inclined, click the link to have a listen. As always, it was/is a heart balm.
Okay, a bit of self-promotion. If you like my writing (and haven’t already) I’m going to encourage you to follow me (or better yet “subscribe”) to “following dandelion seeds” on Substack as that is where I do my writing these days (except this quarterly newsletter.) My words and photos will still arrive in your email, so you don’t have to download the Substack app unless you want to.
And just a heads up since this will be my last newsletter before the Winter Solstice. If you live in the Portland area, I am once again taking part in (and helping plan) a Longest Night Grief related event on Saturday, December 21st. It will take place at Waverly United Church of Christ in the evening. I’ll post details closer to the time on my Facebook Page. This will be my fourth year taking part and it really is a tender time.
Final Thoughts
Writing and editing my newsletter is a mulit-day process (and still typos!) The last couple of afternoons I’ll glance out my office window and witness Stellar’s Jay bouncing from limb-to-limb on Maple outside my window, tugging at, what, bugs? Moss? I can’t tell what he is up to as he ducks and weaves behind leaves, green leaves not yet ready to change. But they will soon enough. I suppose they couldn’t resist change, even if they wanted too. A lesson in there, if I’m not being too obvious.
Oaks are shifting toward yellow and Dogwood has gone red. All in their own time and yet I sense they are all in conversation. They are a community and when I venture out of this space filled with books and photos and walk among them, that too is home, where my feet wander upon the Land, curious to see where this season leads.
Please take a moment to let me know how you are being and where your curiosity is sending you these days.
as always, grateful for your accompanying me on this journey,
anne
Autumn sunsets have been glorious. photo by anne richardson
