this swan had a message for me: “Stillness as grace.” Newton Stewart, Scotland. June 3, 2022. photo by anne richardson
distraction—the opposite of Stillness
one: i distracted myself. fell into an old habit. this during my first week in Wales where my Welsh friend offered me her Airbnb for the week. kitchen, living area, garden, bedrooms…an abundance of space where i could have spent evenings journaling. blogging. reading. meditating. i chose social media rabbit holes. it was the opposite of Stillness. after a few days, realized the unhealthiness of this. appreciate that Stillness is patient.
an odd grief
two: five weeks in. aware this journey is not like my last. i noticed this earlier but it is starting to sink in. Sojourning with Grief (three years ago) was a profound spiritual experience. remapped me. this is not that. odd as it may sound, i am grieving not having spiritually transformative experiences. not having my ancestors tapping me on the shoulder. not having this land in constant conversation with me. and, if i am being honest, am afraid i will disappoint you. wasn’t this blog “supposed” to share how Stillness was mentoring me on this expansive sojourn?
three: perhaps i distracted myself (point one) because i was avoiding point two.
refocusing
four: once i stopped distracting myself, i did start reading & meditating again. listening to music that stirs my soul. settles me. no, those “aha” moments i longed for didn’t start rolling in. but i did feel more still. more peaceful…though not always in my dreamworld. some of those have been chaotic.
sojourning with joy
five: i have found joy in writing almost daily updates on my personal Facebook page. sharing acts of kindness and connection. this journey has been filled with joy. sojourning with joy.
collective loss lingers
six: i was close to Lockerbie, Scotland. though i did not visit, every time i saw the name on signage, i remembered the plane that was blown up over their skies in December 1988. students flying home for Christmas. interesting what you remember before you read up on something. how hearts remember certain losses even when not directly connected…because we are all connected.
allowing wandering
seven: allowing the next three weeks to meander much like the previous five. if Stillness has something to say, i am listening. and enjoying what each day has to offer.
flower & heart graffiti in Dumfries, Scotland. Scotland has my heart. June 4, 2022. photo by anne richardson
meaningful ritual
eight: gratitude—as i have wandered along, i have offered small rocks from my land to places along the path. giving as well as receiving. this honoring ritual has been meaningful. yes, i feel this land will remember me in all my scattered, meandering ways.
connecting to the sacred
nine: what is sacred? connecting with family and friends. making new friends. and all the walks alongside water, trees, rocks,
as always, i remain grateful for you. for your following along as i meander (or stumble) along on this journey.
please continue to be kind and gentle to yourselves. may you give yourself permission to meander in your day and be open to joy.
in gratitude,
anne
For Your Reflection
when have you distracted yourself to avoid grief or other feelings? once you realized it, how did you respond? with judgement? (i have to admit, at first i was a bit judgy with myself.) understanding and moving forward? compassion? other responses?
where are you finding joy in your life?
how do you offer gratitude to people, places, beings in your life? how is gratitude offered to you?
Final Thoughts
this David Whyte poem, from his latest collection, Still Possible, is one i keep close to my heart and is the reminder i need as i enter the last three weeks of my sojourn:
“For the Road to Santiago
For the road to Santiago
don’t make new declarations
about what to bring
and what to leave behind.
Bring what you have.
You were always going
that way anyway,
you were always
going there all along.”
these wise words remind me once again to let go of expectations, which are heavy baggage, and trust i’ll receive what i need as i meander along the path.
