White dogwoods emerge in late spring after most of the other flowering trees have shed their blossoms. “Are we not spectacular?” they seem to say. You answer, “Why yes,” and wonder what your own re-emerging might look like. photo by anne richardson
Your Attention. Please. Rest.
An invitation. A plea. Please, what ever you are doing in this moment—stop. Take a minute. Two. A half-hour. More. Breathe deeply if you are able. Too much? Then shallow, light breaths. Pants. Sips of air. If that is all your body can handle—take that in and then let those molecules slip out between your lips, one-by-one. Slide back in. Slow yourself down. Please. No hurry to read the rest of this blog. Set your phone down. “Sleep” your computer. Take time to nurture your soul. My words will be waiting. Step away for a spell and I’ll reconnect with you in a while…
“Breathe. Settle. Nestle. Rest”
Speeding Up/Slowing Down
…Welcome back. I hope you took time to check in with yourself. To rest. To be. Perhaps you are wiser or more in tune than I am. Less caught up in the whirl of energy that is pulsing in the air these days. I need to consciously remind myself to slow down as Summer Solstice approaches for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere. On the Summer Solstice we see the culmination of light-expanded skies before daylight slowly wanes. Life is flourishing as blossoms shed making way for fruit. Fledglings are leaving the nest. Even the three Sister Trees that fell in the February ice storm have new growth from their broken stumps that leave me delirious with Joy.
New growth from “Mother” and the other two Sister Trees. As always, the circle, the community of Big Leaf Maples—they are my teachers. This latest journey of loss has been a profound lesson on Grief and unexpected Joy. photo by anne richardson
Waves of Energy Reflect Release From Pandemic Restrictions
This high energy time where life is teeming in the greening of the naturescape is overlapping this year with a society weary of restrictions and finding freedom in increased numbers being vaccinated, at least where I live. When I go out it feels like a literal wave of energy carries me from place-to-place, interaction-to-interaction. Does that sound familiar? Some folks thrive in this energy. For others, it can be draining. It is simply something to notice about yourself; how you are coping with reengaging. Our species (humans) are communal creatures. We need to engage to survive and thrive. Connect physically. Be in community. AND after lock-downs, masks, and distancing, resetting our internal safety thermostats will look different for everyone depending on our backgrounds and experiences. As an introvert, I find my own internal gauge is out of sorts as I navigate invitations and social space. Balancing a desire to re-connect but not overdo.
The humming of bees reminds me of the buzzing energy I sense when I am out in public. photo by anne richardson
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
Perceptions Shifting Through The Pandemic
Despite signs of drought due to below average rainfall, Spring has been luscious in the Pacific NW. Yummy. Tasty. Delightful. Choose your own superlative. The vibrancy of colors span from sky to earth, first light to dusk. The air symphonically dense with birdsong. As my body takes it all in, it feels richer than last Spring, though as I recall last year, I had a deepening appreciation for nature as a balm during shutdowns. The colors were likely just as vibrant, the sounds as stirring. Indeed, I likely needed the vibrancy and the songs to companion me more as I, we, were awash in uncertainty. As I write this, I am reminded of the Anaïs Nin quote, “We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.” Last Spring met me where I was on this pandemic journey. Last year I wanted to be nurtured and assured, so that was what I saw. This year my heart desires invitation and regeneration, so that is what I see. I wonder what you are seeing. Experiencing.
Curious & Scattered. With a Side of Grief.
These days I am feeling scattered. Like my energy is a solar flare erupting. Concentration eludes me. This blog has been in-process for two weeks (with maybe one sentence of the original writing left!) I start a sentence, follow a thought down a rabbit hole (we do have lots of bunnies in my neighborhood!), read an article which reminds me about something else I am interested in and off I go. My wanderings have been fruitful and educational, sparking my passions into a scramble of words that have, so far, been incomprehensible. Yikes!
And then I bump up against sadness. Grief. Remember what brought us to this point. See humans living in their encampments alongside the freeway. Am reminded of inequality, injustice. And hear weariness in the Earth’s movements. “How much longer” she asks “before you listen?”
Need to Slow to Notice
Nature, the Earth, my body and, yes, Grief and Death, asked me to stop. To notice. Even in the midst of all the greening. The flourishing…life is subsiding too. Losses continue. An unhatched egg remains alongside the fledglings. Fruit that doesn’t ripen falls to the ground.
A butterfly lingered one day by my entryway, wings folded. I thought it was dead. Touched it and wings fell open. No effort to fly away. Allowed me to move it under a shrub. Did it survive? Did I need to know? Was it enough to witness its Beauty?
This butterfly seemed to be offered as a reminder to notice and slow. photo by anne richardson
Grief Has Been Escorted From the Room
As an empath I realize the whirl of energy I am surfing on is in The Collective field. This urgency to “keep moving” reminds me of those people movers at airports—only 2, 3, 4x’s faster. Lately I’ve noticed how little talk there is about Grief in the mainstream media after urging society to “reflect and change” our ways, our rituals, our impulse to “stuff” Grief that flooded the airwaves and social media this time last year. Have we already forgotten? In the United States it is estimated 5.4 people million have been left grieving in the wake of Covid-19 deaths. (For those who lost loved ones to covid, there is no return to normal. Washington Post, 6/8/21)
This isn’t to say there aren’t incredible folks offering Grief resources (see below) and doing their darnedest to support those who want to grieve. And it feels like they, we, are swimming against the tide again as the topic du jour is “work/life balance” and “how to navigate re-emergence.” (Forgetting some folks never “withdrew” due to their work or other life commitments.)
Dr. Gabor Maté, Trauma expert and author of “In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts, Close Encounters With Addiction.” photo from Wikipedia.
“Trauma is not what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you. ”
The Wisdom of Trauma
The scattered me has so many thoughts right now. I have been drawn back once again to studying Trauma. I watched the premier of the movie “The Wisdom of Trauma” (not currently available for viewing) based on the work of Dr. Gabor Maté and promoted by SAND and followed up by viewing webinars with a host of incredible speakers, from indigenous elders to educators, researchers, and therapists that were part of a one week series. Talk about needing to process! I am doing some follow-up study, but what keeps coming up for me is that whether or not we have individual Trauma, we live in a Trauma-infused world and Trauma impacts the way we treat each other and the Earth. Trauma as wisdom…that resonates with me. These teachings are so powerful. I can’t really sum up what is still fresh, so will leave it at that for now. Oh, and that I see Trauma and Grief tightly knit together. They both want us to heal…and to work together with the Earth to heal our planet.
Can You Have Too Many Passions?
So yes, Trauma keeps calling me back, but so do my passions for the Earth, poetry, mysticism, Grief (of course,) spirituality, the Labyrinth, mythology/fairytales/archetypes, listening to my ancestors, what it means to belong, photography and being a spiritual companion. So many threads! How do they all weave together into my call and a meaningful life? Some days it feels like they are all vying for my attention at once. I wonder, “Are there enough hours in a day, enough days left in my life to embrace all these loves?” (Does that ever happen to you?) When I reach that point, that is when I need to do what I offered at the beginning of this post. Slow down. Stop. Breathe. Rest in whatever is unfolding before me with all my senses and simply be…even if it is uncomfortable. Because that will bring me back to the present moment. When I am present, I can listen deeply to my intuition and to the Holy in my life. I don’t always get clarity, but I do get a reprieve from my busy mind. What brings you back into the present moment? Back to listening not to the clutter, but to the quiet.
Beauty of the Tangled Threads
When I was younger, I was an accomplished seamstress. I had a box with spools of thread and sometimes they would come unraveled. Such a mess! I could resolve the issue by cutting the threads free or try to untangle them when I was ready for a particular color. Sometimes I would dump them back in the box and close the lid (ignore!) and buy a new spool if I was impatient. For this metaphor though, I’m thinking it is okay for the threads to be all tangled. That the mess is the beauty. How about you? What calls to you? What are your threads?
Gratitude For You
As I’ve meandered through this blog, first thank you for reading this far. I struggle with feeling “incomplete” in my writing. Of it being “messy.” Of not having a “point.” And perhaps that is the point. To not have a big “wrap up.” To leave the threads dangling. Because, isn’t that life. The pandemic isn’t over. We’ve had a brief reprieve from our drought with a good dousing of rain. Solstice will arrive…and then be over and the energy will ebb. I’ll overspend at Farmers’ Markets well into Autumn. Chickadees have nested in one of my hanging baskets and perhaps there will be fledgings. And perhaps I will witness them flying away. All these threads. Who knows what to make of it all.
in gratitude,
anne
ps-I am grateful to Tiny Seed Literary Journal for publishing my poem, Step Away, and two photos, Sweeping Away the Clutter & Threshold in their May online journal.
Beauty in the Tangled Threads (see the hearts?). photo by anne richardson
For Your Reflection
How are you receiving the energy of the season into your body? Do you welcome it? Are you anxious? Feel carried along in a positive sense or does it feel overwhelming? Other thoughts and feelings?
What does “re-emerging” look like for you? Perhaps you never had a chance to withdraw due to your work/home situation. What comes up for you as more folks engage in your physical space?
How do you “ride” waves of energy? For extroverts, it can be uplifting and after a year of not being around others may be a relief, like breathing in fresh air. For introverts the opposite may be true. And, of course, this is on a continuum. Just something to consider as you navigate social and work situations. Perhaps your internal “thermostat” needs re-calibrating?
What “spools” are in your thread box…your passions? Are they tangled? How do you engage with your passions as you navigate everyday life? Have you set your passions aside and, if so, what would it look like to reengage with at least one in a way the nourishes you?
How is you Grief? Have you had time to reflect on your losses recently? Are there any situations where it seems like the world has forgotten our collective losses (and your individual losses) in order to “just move on?” What would you say to “the world” in response? If you want, write a paragraph, a letter, a poem, draw something for your response using the prompt: “Where’s the Grief?” Be creative.
If you took time at the beginning of the post to breathe and rest, how was that for you? Did any feelings arise? Is it something you feel would benefit you on a regular basis? How are you taking care of your one precious self?
Resources
The Wisdom of Trauma page has an abundance of resources available, including books, classes, videos, interviews, trauma healing modalities, therapists, and organizations. I’ve just started reading The Body Keeps the Score, Brain: Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD, which is on the list. Enlightening.
Grief focused: If you or someone you know is grieving, one resource is to ask your healthcare professional for a referral to a grief support group or counselor./therapist If that is not available or not an option that appeals to you, check out these resources
What’s Your Grief. “You don’t have to grieve alone. What’s Your Grief is a place for sharing, support, resources, & more.”
Alica Forneret. “Talking about grief can be hard but it doesn’t have to be.”
Refuge in Grief. “It’s OK to not be OK. If your life has exploded into a million little bits, you don’t need platitudes. You don’t need cheerleading. You don’t need to be told this all happened for a reason. Some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.”
Beyond Your Loss. “You Can Move Beyond Your Loss and Live Through Your Grief.”
Speaking of Grief. “Let’s get better at grief.”
Spiritual Companionship. Okay, this is what I do and is one of my passions. I come alongside folks that are grieving and listen, deeply. And not everyone who is grieving needs therapy. Or find that having a spiritual companion in tandem with therapy is helpful. I meet via Zoom or in-person. Other spiritual directors/companions also offer this support. You can go to Spiritual Directors International to find out more.
What’s piquing my curiosity these days.
So, this blog is already long and by now you may have guessed my curiosity is peaked to overflowing. So I’ll leave you with something on the lighter side. I’m reading “Kissing the Witch: Old Tales, New Skins” by Emma Donoghue. It “is a sequence of thirteen re-imagined fairytales, inspired by traditional European sources (Brothers Grimm, Perrault, Hans Anderson).” Shifting perspective on my thinking and beliefs, even in the realm of fairytales, is a way to nudge myself beyond my comfort zone…always pushing my edges. I’m enjoying the book.
