Hope is Kinda “Typical”

Ah February in the Pacific NW. Our mild winter faked us out with a few warm spring-like days earlier in the month. This is typical. A few bulbs poke up. Trees start budding and a few have even bloomed some years, though at least this year the cherries didn’t. Wise those cherries. We are giddy with visions of lighter jackets and warmer days.

Then cold swept in with an unexpectedly large gathering of snow in the lowlands. Caught the weather-folk by surprise as well as the evening commuters on a recent Wednesday. Portland recorded 10-12” in some neighborhoods. My higher elevation abode had about 10”. It turned into an icy mess once the snow thawed a bit and refroze. All the headlines read “snowapocalypse”and folks in the midwest rolled their eyes I’m sure. Now this is typical…a “false” spring followed by more “wintery mixes,” but we are a hopeful bunch in the Pacific NW (or forgetful) and think each year will be different.

Familiar Becomes Unfamiliar

Since snow is not the winter constant where I live, when we do get significant snowfall, what I notice is how it shifts my perception of the landscape. I took a walk the morning after the “big snow dump.” The familiar was now unfamiliar. Limbs leaned closer to Earth under the weight of gathered flakes, whispering secrets. Ornamental grasses that appeared fragile and dry, shape-shifted into inverted hammocks holding their crystalline occupants. Sidewalks melded into roads and gardens. Each cold breath was an acknowledgement of the awe I was witnessing. When one has a safe place to be after a snow excursion, the crispness, the chill, the echoing laughter of children playing, the act of being present without an agenda other than to notice can be received as a gift.

In the midst of all this my Mentor Grief also asked that I pay attention. Loss shifts landscapes. The familiar becomes unfamiliar. There can be ambiguity. Finding safe shelter…or providing it for someone else, that was a nudge Grief was offering underneath the beauty I was experiencing. A both/and-ness.

Expanding Understanding of Grief Support

Besides the snow shifting landscape, my perceptions about grief, bereavement, and wellness are shifting and expanding. Here are a few examples:

• I am 4/5ths of the way through my online course, Ambiguous Loss: Its Meaning and Application (see previous blog), and gathering many insights on resilience in living in the midst of ambiguous loss. These insights will be woven into an upcoming presentation (more on that below) and my other work, plus future blog posts.

  And here’s a little secret…I love learning new things! While I don’t need new letters/degrees behind my name at this point in my life, I am always up for classes that expand my horizon or peak my curiosity.

• I’ve been watching excellent presentations from The 3rd Annual Symposium on Death and Bereavement Studies: Cultivating Radical Resilience. They are causing me to pop the lid off my box of beliefs about grief support. Yes, I have my biases. So expanding how I can be present and listen even more deeply to those I am coming alongside in my spiritual companionship practice. If you want a taste of what I am learning, I recommend Dr. Lucy Hone’s Ted Talk, “3 Secrets of Resilient People.”

• I have one more session to watch from The Body As A Doorway with Sophie Strand offered through Science & Nonduality (SAND). It has really made me look at the language of health, wellness and medicine in a new way. The recordings are available and if you work in the “healthcare industry” I highly recommend purchasing and watching. Besides Sophie’s own wisdom, her Q&A with the participants that have chronic health issues is moving. The common theme is they don’t feel believed or heard.

• And though not in the specific grief, bereavement, wellness box, I try to find time to fit in my Hagitude year long course. How does that tie in? Often aging women don’t feel seen or heard. Dismissed. And when we are noticed, it is for marketing around “anti-aging.” Sigh. I, however, am embracing my aging and heartily rail against the anti-aging marketers. Okay, I do have my moments when I rail more against my aches and pains…but then I come back to acceptance.

Everything is Connected: Mycorrhizal Networks

My usual way of taking in information and new learning is to let it ferment inside for a while with all my other learnings and noticings. See what kind of stew will be made. Or maybe it is more like bits of fabric I have picked apart and I have a pile of unraveled threads that I slowly start to weave together into a new fabric.

Everything is connected, like the amazing mycorrhizal networks of fungal organisms in the world. I’m not sure at this point what is going to arise out of the soil of all that I’m taking in, but I’m excited. And I am also getting a nudge from the labyrinth that when this is sorted a bit more clearly, to weave it into the labyrinth’s wisdom.

Reflection Questions

When do you notice your perspectives shifting? Do you actively seek out ways to expand your perspectives? Invite new ways to see the world? When do you feel an itch to check out the root of your beliefs and biases? Let me know your perspective on perspectives.

Three Years Ago The World Shifted: Covid

What Do You Remember?

Speaking of shifting perspectives, I think it is safe to say we all had our perspectives shifted three years ago when Covid entered the landscape of our lives. Befuddlement led to questions led to fear led to deaths and masks and isolation and 6ft “keep apart” markers on floors and vaccines and divisions and so much more. It makes my head spin when I look back. And my Facebook feed will offer “memories to look back on” photos, whether I want to or not, as will news outlets.

How Do You Want to Honor All That Has Unfolded?

I’ve already noticed the energy shifting as talk of the “anniversary” is in the air. Folks might be edgy…and not even understand why. It is in the collective consciousness. Something to be aware of. So, please, be extra gentle with yourself…and others.

• If you lost someone to Covid consider if a ritual would be appropriate and what that might look like. It might be as simple as lighting a candle. Saying their name followed by “I remember you.” Or sharing their story with someone else who remembers them. Be creative. This is about what is meaningful to you.

• If someone you cared for died during the shutdowns and restrictions that wasn’t related to Covid but you felt there was a lack of a meaningful ritual to honor their passing, what might it look like to gather now? Toss around some ideas with those who would want to be involved and trust your intuition.

• Consider what you lost (or even gained) since the start of the pandemic? Take some time to reflect. Perhaps gather with some friends and share your experiences.

• If you work(ed) on the front lines in healthcare (broad definition including the folks that cleaned rooms, etc…you know who you are), please listen to what your body is telling you and be extra kind to yourself. The “bigwigs upstairs” may want to move on without acknowledgement, yet you may still be carrying the effects of exhaustion. Of holding the dying when no one else was present. Things are not what they were. This also applies to those who worked in funeral homes.

• And for those who have long Covid. I see you. I believe you. Long Covid is a shape-shifter within your body and often invisible to the outside world. We live in a world that wants to move forward and may see you as a reminder of this difficult time. Your voice matters. You matter.

Did You Know I Offer Presentations For Professionals?

I will be presenting at the Oregon Health Care Association Spring Expo (April 20-21). The Theme is Spring Into Quality! My presentation will be ANTICIPATORY GRIEVING, AMBIGUOUS LOSS, & DISENFRANCHISED GRIEF IN DEMENTIA CARE. I’ll be updating my previous presentations on this topic with new information I am learning. Excited to present on this important topic that is often not addressed for professionals and for caregivers. Oh, and this conference is “in real life,” not a webinar. There is something different about that interactive energy of being in the physical room with folks that I am looking forward to. It’s been a while.

The creative process of designing a presentation. Catering it to a specific audience. Listening to what is asked for and to my intuitive sense of what needs to be offered. Discerning how to engage those present. It is one of my passions.

Check out my webpage for examples of past offerings. Do you have a topic, educational need, or interest for your staff or community that we can work together on? Whether webinar, IRL or hybrid, let’s talk.

Spiritual Direction/Companionship Referrals

Most of my directees come into my presence by word of mouth. A few via the Spiritual Directors’ International website. And some through a Google search! Your confidence in me to say to a friend, a colleague, another professional that what I offer may be of benefit to someone grieving or needing support on their life journey is something I honor deeply. I am grateful for your support.

I have space available and am looking forward to welcoming those who sense a spiritual companion may be the person they would like to invite on their journey. I meet with folks via Zoom or in-person. Check out my spiritual direction/companionship webpage for details about my philosophy and how a session may unfold. And please reach out if you have any questions.

The Wonder of Awe

I need more time to read! How about you?

Two new books are out on AWE, which is often a feeling I encounter when I am out in nature or even sitting by my window and watching the birds drop by for a sip of water or icicles melt.

One is by Katherine May, the author of Wintering, The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times, which I’ve mentioned in past blogs, as it is a favorite book. Her new book is Enchantment, Awakening Wonder in an Anxious Time. Here is a quote from her website: “Our sense of enchantment is not only sparked by grand things. The awe-inspiring, the numinous, is all around us, all the time. It is transformed by our deliberate attention. The magic is of our own conjuring.”

The other is Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life by Dacher Keltner. His recent On-Being interview with Krista Tippett was a delight. And though I thought it was all about Awe, Grief was in there too, as the author’s brother, to whom he was very close, died. Awe was how he came to cope with his loss. Here is a quote from the interview, which ties in with shifting perspectives:

“And so awe tells us: go out and expand your view of things. And I do think it gives us meaning. The young people I teach are very good at algorithms and computations, and they need the broader view. And that’s what it gave me during this hard time in my life was like, “Wow! You know, what I really care — I have this new sense of the human form and spirit that maybe my brother is always with me in ways I can’t imagine.” And it — going in search of awe gave me that.”

What books or podcasts are you reading or listening to these days that are shifting your perspectives? Expanding your horizons? Inviting you to reflect on your beliefs? I have a “note” in my note app of books to buy or gather from the library (it is getting sooooo long!) What do you think I should add to it? I’m not very good at keeping up on podcasts, but still offer those for recommendations, too. Sounds like something to add to my blogs…reader recommendations!

Final Thoughts

So March is doing the proverbial “roaring in like a lion” with less than three weeks to the official start of spring in the Pacific NW. I continue to be in the search for a home trusting it will come about when we are ready for each other. My vision of gathering and being in community in a way that is different from how I am currently living, is still clear. Room to create a labyrinth…clear.

Spring. It is the time when seeds (intentions) that have been planted sprout. So will see what the next cycle of the moon offers. Holding it with curiosity…and awe.

Whatever season you are in, metaphorically or in the real world, may you treat yourself with tenderness. May you find awe in the smallness of the everyday.

in gratitude,

anne