Seasons of a Pandemic

Fog shrouds my recent morning walk. Street lights halo both bare trees and evergreens. The moon, on the cusp of fullness, is setting in the west, hidden as day yawns to rising in the east. Despite dense fog, light is waking and crows begin their morning report. Winter chill is still in the air and the empty bench remains empty despite my desire to watch the unfolding longer. It’s not that I have anything pressing on the calendar and the quiet of the holiday lull (Martin Luther King Day) that has settled over the neighborhood almost lulls me into forgetting about COVID and the most recent variant, Omicron. Almost.

Welcome to 2022 and another “Lessons from the Pandemic” blog post. They will end at some point, right? That assumes linear time moving us forward through the two year mark in the pandemic, though it is starting to feel more cyclical, like seasons. Sigh. So first off, how are you? How are you caring for yourself? Those in your life? Your communities? Are you noticing any shifts in how you are coping with the latest variant of COVID versus earlier in the pandemic? Please, take a moment to take some breaths and check-in with yourself. Remember, there is no right way to be. And no judging. Just noticing. And kindness. Be kind to yourself.

Kindness as Choice

I treat myself more kindly than I did in my younger years and I wholeheartedly endorse it. Oh, some of those old recordings still surface offering judgments or stating incompetencies or, well, it is a long list. I’ve started reading Dr. Richard C. Schwartz’s book, No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma & Restoring Wholeness with The Internal Family Systems Model. “IFS” is an affirming and caring approach to looking within.

You Are Inherently Good

I came across Dr. Schwartz during the online trauma conferences I’ve been attending and what he shared made intuitive sense to me, though his work is backed by years of study, discovery, and practice. As he shares in his introduction, “IFS has morphed over time from being exclusively about psychotherapy to becoming a kind of spiritual practice, although you don’t have to define yourself as spiritual to practice it. At its core, IFS is a loving way of relating internally (to your parts) and externally (to the people in your life),…IFS is a life practice.” Please take a peek at this link to get a feel for IFS. I’m still early in the book, but I already recommend it. Very readable with exercises to gain understanding into your Self/selves.

Honoring The Many Facets of “Time”

If you have followed me for a while, you know my understanding of Time is transforming. I value our human need to mark small ’t’ time both as cyclical and as a linear progression on a calendar because birthdays, anniversaries, deathiversaries, appointments, holidays, et cetera…those are dates we have deemed important in our relationships and societies. One such date is a “new year” (though the actual date varies in different cultures/traditions.)

New Year’s Ritual

So as the calendar annually turns to a “new year,” I have a ritual to help set intentions: a selection of one to four words, an image from an art deck or oracle deck, a poem and/or quote that is resonating. I enter into this time through meditation, walking a labyrinth, and connecting with my Source. Listening to longings. Intuition. Asking, as poet David Whyte says, beautiful questions.

Receiving Guidance & Insight

Here is a glimpse of what came out of my process, which I am still sitting with. Discerning.

This year’s words: Simplify. Attention. Compassion.

• Simplify—a word I’ve been sitting with for a while. Asking myself: Where am I complicating life? What can I do to return to essence? An ongoing work-in-process!

• Attention—so much in our busy world vies for my attention, leading me down rabbit holes. Some I thoroughly enjoy. And others end up draining me. So I ask myself “Where do I want to expend energy? Is this worthy of my attention?”

• Compassion—a word that is one of my “compass points” in life (along with gratitude, curiosity and kindness.) I need daily, if not moment-by-moment, reminders to be compassionate to myself and others.

Embracing the Between Time While Waiting for Grief to Speak

They all seem to confirm something I’ve been sensing for awhile: I’ve been in a "between time” and that time may be shifting. So, be open to letting go of something. Be open to welcoming something else. Be curious. Pay attention. I am grateful for this faint map offered by these “guides.” The clarity of having a word for where I am: “between,” a place I’ve been before and, as I’ve grown, learned I can lean into and embrace. Content to be here. Appreciate it. Am cherishing the present moment…

for, as I shared my new year “intentions” with my spiritual director, she asked a beautiful question: “what do think might be dying?” and I had no immediate answer. This, I think, is a good thing. I do sense it has to do with my relationship with Grief (with Grief fully engaged in the unfolding, because if you have followed me you know Grief is my mentor and I am a willing acolyte) and how I present Grief in my work. I’m pondering a lot. As they say, more to be revealed.

Tension of Between

And aren’t we all in some way in a “between” time? Some are saying we aren’t in full pandemic mode anymore, yet where we are isn’t yet endemic (like the flu.) (My friends in healthcare may have a different opinion, as they have had little relief the last two years amid surges. I offer them deep gratitude.) There is no going back to what was. We can’t know what will be. There is a tension in being in the “between” time…and a spaciousness. It’s fuzzy. You make plans…or you don’t. You honor memories, look toward a future, then live in the present. It may feel like rising to fog each morning. I happen to find fog beautiful…but driving in it is stressful and endless days of it become tedious. The between times/spaces do end when something(s) shifts. Until then, compassion my friends.

Honoring Significant Losses

Deathiversaries: Do you keep track of when significant losses occurred in your life. I have several between December and February. All significant. My father died January 24, my mum February 15, my beloved pug, Hugo, December 29, and three of The Sister Trees fell February 14 & 15. Even if you don’t remember an exact date, your intuition might. So pay attention (there’s that word again) to see if you are feeling unsettled, sad, anxious, _____ (insert feeling word here.) Perhaps the anniversary of a loss is approaching. Finding ways to honor those significant events (a ritual) can offer meaning, healing, a release depending on how you shape it and what you desire. It may as simple as saying the name of a person with “I remember you.”

Honoring the Pace of Life

So a bit of a meander, this blog. Honestly, I’ve been at a bit of a loss when it comes to blogging recently. For the most part my days are fairly open and as I have rested into Winter (see my last post: Lessons from the Pandemic: Invitations of Winter & Grief) I find writing poetry, napping, reading is where my heart leans. It is part of being “between” and listening to what is calling. I hope that by sharing my “intentions,” if you don’t already have a “new years” process, perhaps you feel inspired to do something for yourself, even if it is to sit in the quiet and see what stirs.

I know it is a gift, this season of my life. Others are not as blessed/privileged. May I be wise enough to allow the replenishment to restore me and to share abundantly out of gratitude.

Whatever season you are in the midst of, may you offer yourself moments of tenderness. May those moments extend beyond the constraints of daily routines into your dreams and heart.

with deep gratitude,

anne

ps: Here is an offering of Deep Peace to listen to. Just over four minutes.

pps: I always appreciate referrals. If you or you know someone interested in Spiritual Companionship, please reach out with questions or for a free info session.

For Your Reflection

• How are you coping with the recent surge due to the new COVID variant? What part of your daily routine includes caring for you? How do you define “caring” for yourself? If you are a list maker, make a list. Or draw pictures. Collage. Whatever reminds you that you are an important part of the daily routine.

• Do you honor “deathiversaries” like you do other occasions? If not, does it interest you? Why or why not? What are the rituals or ways of remembering people, pets, and other beings significant in your life that bring meaning? Are there other annual “rememberings” that you would like to honor with ritual?

• Do you have a “new year’s” ritual or practice that recognizes the turning of the calendar? I invite in “intentions” and hold them loosely; more kind advisors than bosses charting progress. What is your practice and is it always the same? Has it shifted over the years? If you didn’t do one this year, does doing one now sound appealing. Remember, January 1st is simply a constructed date on the calendar. You can do this anytime. And more than one time a year as you feel life shifting.

• If you were to name what “season” your life is in, what season would it be (and don’t feel you need to limit yourself to the four seasons of spring, summer, autumn, winter,) you can be creative. What images/words would you use to describe this season?

• I have several friends that have lost animal family members the last few months. Here is a Mary Oliver poem, The First Time Percy Came Back, that she wrote after the death of one of her dogs: The First Time Percy Came Back

  The first time Percy came back

  he was not sailing on a cloud.

  He was loping along the sand as though

  he had come a great way.

  "Percy," I cried out, and reached to him—

  those white curls—

  but he was unreachable. As music

  is present yet you can't touch it.

  "Yes, it's all different," he said.

  "You're going to be very surprised."

  But I wasn't thinking of that. I only

  wanted to hold him. "Listen," he said,

  "I miss that too.

  And now you'll be telling stories

  of my coming back

  and they won't be false, and they won't be true,

  but they'll be real."

  And then, as he used to, he said, "Let's go!"

  And we walked down the beach together.

  As you consider an animal family member you lost (or really anyone,) what stirs in you as you read this poem? Perhaps take some time to dialog and imagine the conversation you would have with the one you are missing.

• Are you being kind and gentle to YOU? Compassionate? Tender to yourself and others?

Grief & Trauma Resources

• The Wisdom of Trauma movie, which previously has been available for limited periods, is now available 24/7 on the Science and Nonduality (SAND) website. They ask for a suggested donation of $15, but no one will be turned away for lack of funds. The email I received with the announcement stated:

  “Let's envision together a trauma-informed world.
  Imagine your own family and community.
  What if teachers began to see see troublesome behavior at school through the lens of trauma?
  What if doctors seeking to help you heal had an understanding of how trauma shapes health?
  Would the judges entrusted with sentencing see the pain that drives the crime?
  How about the policy makers who define our collective structures and the leaders we appoint to represent our voice?
  Let's hold a vision of a world that breaks free of cycles of trauma and becomes more open and inclusive.
  
  It all starts with us, truly. It starts when we allow our pain to teach us about listening, self-love and compassion and to remind us of the preciousness of life. Then truth opens our hearts and our innate wisdom begins to shine through our wounds.”

• Coffee and Grief (@Coffee and Grief on Facebook) is offering “A Taste of Write Your Grief Out” for free on January 24th via Zoom. Ninety minutes of Grief writing so you can experience the power of writing about your losses.

  Coffee and Grief was founded by my friend, Anne Gudger, and her daughter, Maria Gibson, at the start of the pandemic. It has been a supportive community since day one and continues to grow. All losses are welcome. All grief is affirmed.

  On the first Thursday of the month they hold Coffee Talk (so far 30!) where five readers share their writings on loss. It is amazing. Yes, sometimes you cry and sometimes you laugh. And honestly, it is always uplifting. #31 is February 3rd from 7-8pm PT. Please email me (anne@nurtureyorjourney.net) if you would like the Zoom links for either event.

Bits & Pieces/Odds & Ends

• For the writers reading this, I follow Janice Lee on Instagram (@diddioz). She has been posting writing prompts since the start of the year and they are amazing. Deep. Thoughtful. I’ve generated several poems from them. Follow her on Instagram if you want to receive her prompts.

  I took her class, The Dandelions Are Prophesizing, last summer from Corporeal Writing and found it stretched and expanded my thinking. Good stuff. And it will be offered again this summer!

  Her book, Imagine A Death, a fictional work, is unlike any other I’ve read. Like Janice, it stretches boundaries. I recommend it, but her writing will ask a lot of you. Are you willing to take a risk?

• One of the favorite newsletters I receive in my inbox is The Red Hand Files by Nick Cave. He answers questions about Grief, life, faith, music, art, friendship, squirrels (yes squirrels) and more…with unassuming wisdom that comes from delving into his own losses.

• And I’ve started doing the daily Wordle. Only one a day. Can’t get obsessed!

Final Thought

Wise words from the Archbishop Desmond Tutu, who died December 26, from his 2010 interview with Kritsta Tippett, re-aired on OnBeing, January 6, 2022.

“Hope says, Man, hey, things can, things will be better, because God has intended for it to be so. You know? At no point will evil and injustice and oppression and all of the negative things have the last word. And, yes, there’s no question about the reality of evil, of injustice, of suffering. But, you know, at the center of this existence is a heart beating with love; that you, and I, and all of us are incredible. I mean, we really are remarkable things — that we are, as a matter of fact, made for goodness.”